My want is to worship you, to serve and obey you, to always put your needs above mine. You are my superior. You are strong, intelligent, sensitive and compassionate. You are Woman and you are beautiful.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

To be or not to be

As I'm no longer in a wife-led marriage, it's difficult for me to blog about the topic any more. I still enjoy reading other blogs on the subject but, due to the failure of my own marriage, I no longer feel qualified to provide an insight or advice on the subject.

Since V and I split up I've had a couple of short-term relationships but they haven't worked out.

There was one Mistress who advertised for a house servant, primarily to clean. I applied for the job and got it. It was good to be able to serve a Mistress again. Unfortunately we weren't compatible.

Since then I've been corresponding online with a professional Domme but, again, it seems we're not compatible as she's only interested in a professional relationship whereas I'm more interested in developing friendship and a personal connection which only a true relationship can provide. Yes, I'll admit it. I want a long-term relationship with someone I can fall in love with, and who loves me. Unfortunately, professional Dommes just don't fit that bill. It's not what she wants, and what she wants doesn't appeal to me.

I still find her very attractive, interesting, intelligent and insightful. In fact, she's everything I'd want in a partner. I think we have a lot in common. In addition, she loves the kink and has a huge range of BDSM interests. Unfortunately for me, she has no interest in a social partner. It's strictly professional.

This leads me to the question of where I go from here. Should I continue to search for a Femdom life partner or is that unrealistic? Should I be satisfied with paying for services rendered? Or should I look for someone outside the scene and abandon my Femdom fantasies?

I've met a couple of nice women on vanilla dating sites. There's one in particular who is interested in me as a person and is receptive to an ongoing relationship. I haven't made that commitment yet, but I enjoy her company and find her attractive. We talk regularly on the phone (at least every 2 days) and meet up for dinner etc. once every couple of weeks. The problem is she lives about 100 kilometers from me so the opportunity to see each other regularly is difficult.

I've mentioned to her that I like strong women. She said it was brave of me to say that, because most men wouldn't make such a comment. But I don't want to blow it by suggesting anything kinky. I don't think Femdom is her natural persuasion.

So what do I do? It's not that easy to find a compatible Domme as most submissives will testify. But I'm lonely and don't enjoy living on my own. I want another partner and it's much easier to find a vanilla partner than a Domme.

And if I do happen to find a vanilla partner, will I be satisfied? I really don't know.

On the one hand, this is my last opportunity to find someone right - to find a strong woman who is happy to explore a Femdom lifestyle. But how to find her? Is it realistic? Where are they all?

To be a sub or not to be, that's the question!


Susan's Pet said...

I symphatize with you, but I am totally out of my element when it comes to forming a new relationship. I have been marriead to the same woman too long for that. However, my feeling is to find any woman with whom you are compatible in tangible and realistic ways. You must like each other, and respect each other enough for you to bring up your kink at some point. If she has a problem with that, that would be a good time to either resolve it or to part company. The opposite approach, of looking for a dominant woman and then to see whether you are compatible may work, but I like that less. For long term relationship you need a basic compatibility outside of D/S.

mervyco said...

I am married to someone who understands my fantasy, but does not want to indulge it.
Should you start a vanilla relationship? If you will be satisfied with being unfulfilled then Yes. I know that I search the WWW for my masturbatory fantasy videos, and go to bed unsatisfied. Would I get into a vanilla relationship again: no you are in the life so live it

Anonymous said...

i agree with Mervyco. i am married to a great women who i live very much, who attempts to indulge on a very rare occasion my interests, but does not share them or uderstand them and never will. While i love her and would never leave her or stray from her, in my "next lifetime" i would not pursue a relationship with someone that does not share my interest. I too go to bed on to many nights after getting my only real satisfaction from a story or video clip on the web.

Anonymous said...

The best advice I could offer you is to go slow. Build a friendship first, then a relationship. When you have both of those established as the main foundation, only then should you slowly introduce some of the milder aspects of FLR.
Trying to build a FLR without that foundation will not work.

Good luck to you on your journey.

Anonymous said...

Just found your blog. very heartfelt writing. thank you for your raw sharing of your life.
Married Domme

Anonymous said...

if you want a female-led relationship, i'd respectfully suggest that it should be female-led from the start - that is, that you should stop trying to find a partner and let her find you. any would-be female-led relationship that starts with the man making the first move is not off to a very auspicious start.

i'd suggest - and please understand, that's all i mean to do - that if you're looking for a dominant woman, you're looking for a woman who's going to approach you, and initiate things herself. that's how my Goddess found me, and i've never been with anyone so in tune with my desires for a relationship. my thinking is that if a woman is afraid or unwilling to take the initiative, well...i don't really need to finish that sentence, do i?

live the role you want for yourself, whether you're in a relationship or not. be the role you want to have in your relationships. learn to be passive, and follow women's leads instead of trying to lead things yourself. you can't expect patriarchal mating rituals stemming from a patriarchal mindset to result in a matriarchal relationship. if you want a woman who wants to take the lead, you have to wait for her to come along and sweep you off your feet.

doesn't that make sense? it does to me and my naturally dominant Owner.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing. Is it really over with V? It may not be, in which case perhaps this is still part of your journey together. If it is over, then why not check out personal section or personal section? I agree you have to 'meet' someone at more levels than kink, however sharing some mutual interests is not a bad place to start. Stay open to experience and reflect on what you do experience. Good luck in your next phase.

Anonymous said...

Been reading much of your blog, and I just wanted to say your ex-wife really sucked. A selfish and immature brat who cared only for herself.

The irony of these relationships is that their success correlates directly with how deeply the wife cares for her partner. The more she cares, the more she'll be willing to alter her own thoughts to accommodate him.

You mentioned how your ex-wife was really focused on her studies or job or whatever. I don't think that will ever change in her lifetime.

I don't mean to retread on old wounds, but I just wanted you to know that the whole mess was not your fault at all. You didn't make "a mistake", or "screw things up". It was all on her and her unwillingness to empathize with you. To put it bluntly, she didn't have what it takes to be a good wife.

Anonymous said...

Go to a vanilla dating site, write a carefully coded profile that basically points out your interest in female led relationships and, believe me, you will have no shortage of replies. Most will be timewasters but a handful will be from women genuinely interested in what you seek and offer. Don't waste your time on the BDSM dating sites as they are full of nutters and people seeking money.

Anonymous said...

Try or classifieds, they specialize in people looking for a flr or flm. I hope you find what you're looking for. I have a blog about my flr called I would love your feedback on the site and an update on your search. God Bless!

Anonymous said...

I never thought my wife would indulge my fantasy either. I had such a need to serve her that i just started behaving as if she were my dom. I served her hand and foot trying to anticipate her needs and wants. I opened doors, i did all the house cores without being asked i gave messages, i gave her my full attention at all times. She responded very quickly. At first asking what i had done wrong. I assured here that my actions were out of my deep love for her. She quickly responded positively. If you truly want to be a sub you have to be the sub she wants and do what makes her happy, only then will she begin to respond.

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