As I'm no longer in a wife-led marriage, it's difficult for me to blog about the topic any more. I still enjoy reading other blogs on the subject but, due to the failure of my own marriage, I no longer feel qualified to provide an insight or advice on the subject.
Since V and I split up I've had a couple of short-term relationships but they haven't worked out.
There was one Mistress who advertised for a house servant, primarily to clean. I applied for the job and got it. It was good to be able to serve a Mistress again. Unfortunately we weren't compatible.
Since then I've been corresponding online with a professional Domme but, again, it seems we're not compatible as she's only interested in a professional relationship whereas I'm more interested in developing friendship and a personal connection which only a true relationship can provide. Yes, I'll admit it. I want a long-term relationship with someone I can fall in love with, and who loves me. Unfortunately, professional Dommes just don't fit that bill. It's not what she wants, and what she wants doesn't appeal to me.
I still find her very attractive, interesting, intelligent and insightful. In fact, she's everything I'd want in a partner. I think we have a lot in common. In addition, she loves the kink and has a huge range of BDSM interests. Unfortunately for me, she has no interest in a social partner. It's strictly professional.
This leads me to the question of where I go from here. Should I continue to search for a Femdom life partner or is that unrealistic? Should I be satisfied with paying for services rendered? Or should I look for someone outside the scene and abandon my Femdom fantasies?
I've met a couple of nice women on vanilla dating sites. There's one in particular who is interested in me as a person and is receptive to an ongoing relationship. I haven't made that commitment yet, but I enjoy her company and find her attractive. We talk regularly on the phone (at least every 2 days) and meet up for dinner etc. once every couple of weeks. The problem is she lives about 100 kilometers from me so the opportunity to see each other regularly is difficult.
I've mentioned to her that I like strong women. She said it was brave of me to say that, because most men wouldn't make such a comment. But I don't want to blow it by suggesting anything kinky. I don't think Femdom is her natural persuasion.
So what do I do? It's not that easy to find a compatible Domme as most submissives will testify. But I'm lonely and don't enjoy living on my own. I want another partner and it's much easier to find a vanilla partner than a Domme.
And if I do happen to find a vanilla partner, will I be satisfied? I really don't know.
On the one hand, this is my last opportunity to find someone right - to find a strong woman who is happy to explore a Femdom lifestyle. But how to find her? Is it realistic? Where are they all?
To be a sub or not to be, that's the question!
6 comments:
I symphatize with you, but I am totally out of my element when it comes to forming a new relationship. I have been marriead to the same woman too long for that. However, my feeling is to find any woman with whom you are compatible in tangible and realistic ways. You must like each other, and respect each other enough for you to bring up your kink at some point. If she has a problem with that, that would be a good time to either resolve it or to part company. The opposite approach, of looking for a dominant woman and then to see whether you are compatible may work, but I like that less. For long term relationship you need a basic compatibility outside of D/S.
I am married to someone who understands my fantasy, but does not want to indulge it.
Should you start a vanilla relationship? If you will be satisfied with being unfulfilled then Yes. I know that I search the WWW for my masturbatory fantasy videos, and go to bed unsatisfied. Would I get into a vanilla relationship again: no you are in the life so live it
i agree with Mervyco. i am married to a great women who i live very much, who attempts to indulge on a very rare occasion my interests, but does not share them or uderstand them and never will. While i love her and would never leave her or stray from her, in my "next lifetime" i would not pursue a relationship with someone that does not share my interest. I too go to bed on to many nights after getting my only real satisfaction from a story or video clip on the web.
The best advice I could offer you is to go slow. Build a friendship first, then a relationship. When you have both of those established as the main foundation, only then should you slowly introduce some of the milder aspects of FLR.
Trying to build a FLR without that foundation will not work.
Good luck to you on your journey.
Just found your blog. very heartfelt writing. thank you for your raw sharing of your life.
Married Domme
Go to a vanilla dating site, write a carefully coded profile that basically points out your interest in female led relationships and, believe me, you will have no shortage of replies. Most will be timewasters but a handful will be from women genuinely interested in what you seek and offer. Don't waste your time on the BDSM dating sites as they are full of nutters and people seeking money.
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