After many years fantasizing and attempting to initiate a female dominated relationship, I’ve drawn some conclusions of my own that may not sit well with all those wannabe subs out there looking for the perfect FLR.
I believe male subs who are looking for a Femdom relationship are, in the most part, deluding themselves and will never find what they believe they’re after.
I’ve finally reached the decision (some will say about time) that I’m not naturally submissive. I’m too selfish. It’s just that I have my wires crossed sexually. My wife is not by nature sexually dominant, and neither are most women.
That so-called subs are primarily “sexually-stimulated” submissives;
That it’s almost impossible for a sub to maintain a long-term Femdom relationship without sexual domination being a large component;
That females are rarely sexually dominant by nature;
That female dominance cannot be created by a submissive, despite his best efforts to please or to encourage such an inclination;
That female led sexual relationships are extremely rare and almost impossible to invent.
In other words, this whole F….ing obsession of mine is a waste of time.
While self-styled subs believe they have a desire to be submissive, I believe it’s largely a sexual mindset which will remain in the realms of sexual fantasy. The practicalities of serving a woman 24/7 with no sexual stimulation appeals to very few purported subs.
Within my own life it’s true that V is often strict and demanding, but she is not sexually dominant….and never will be willingly.
Like most women, she can be quick to complain. OK, she likes to nag. But that doesn’t make her a Domme. As I said, I believe very few women are sexually dominant, and nothing – no amount of male grovelling or pleasing – will ever change that.
My advice, for what it’s worth, is that if you’re a submissive male by nature, forget trying to bring out the dominant character in her – In most cases it’s just not there. Sure, she may enjoy occasional fantasy role-plays where she takes the dominant stance, but generally that’s not her make-up and she will rebel if you suggest such a relationship 24/7.
So forget the advice of the female supremacists who espouse that the way to a successful female led marriage is to give yourself to the Domme totally with no regard to your own wishes. It simply doesn’t work that way.
Most submissive men have a sexual desire to be submissive. Unless that sexual desire – or need - is met, very few men are happy to simply cook, clean and concede for their wives or partners.
A real female Domme REQUIRES to be the dominant personality in the relationship. Often she will have a cruel or sadistic nature. She enjoys beating and humiliating her male. I believe this is the nature of only a very select few women …. And, as a sub, you can’t create such a woman, however much you may fantasize. The truth is, most subs would run a mile if they encountered a real Domme.
Therefore, if your wife or partner is not a natural Domme, as described above, then what is she? Most probably she’s like most women in my experience – caring, nurturing, compassionate. In other words, she’s feminine. AND SHE DOESN’T WISH TO DOMINATE HER PARTNER!
Why would she wish to own him, control him, whip him, humiliate him, piss on him, abuse him? The truth is she doesn’t. That may be a fantasy of many submissives, but it’s not reality and it will never be a major part of a female led relationship.
Of course female led relationships are common, but they’re not based on sexual fantasy.
So what is a traditional female led relationship? I believe it’s a relationship based on mutual respect where the male accedes to the wishes of the female, and where the female can control the male to her satisfaction – at least in part.
It’s not about the male kissing her boots. It’s more akin to being a hen-pecked husband.
Those subs out there who say they are looking for a female led relationship; Is that really what they’re after? I doubt it. In almost all cases, I believe their sexual fantasy is at the root of their obsession. And sexual fantasy is a far cry from simply being a hen-pecked husband who does what his wife demands of him.
Certainly I would not be satisfied in a marriage where my wife simply nagged me, criticised me or demanded better of me. No, SEX is at the core of my submissive tendencies, and I believe that’s the case with most submissive males.
So, when the Femdom books and manuals say the way to a successful female led relationship is for the male to “focus on how you can find pleasure in her pleasure. Forget about what she can do TO you and think about what you can do FOR her,” as Ms Rika suggests, or to simply “draw out her dominant nature with your submissive nature” as Elise Sutton suggests, don’t be fooled. The simple fact is, either she’s naturally dominant or she isn’t. And if she isn’t, the game’s over. Full stop. If your sexual needs can’t be met, there’s no point in continuing. Because sex is at the heart of most subs conscious.
Over recent weeks I’ve been making a greater effort to please V. I’d gone back to basics and convinced myself that the core to developing a FLM was to please my wife. As the literature so commonly states, it’s for her benefit, not mine. A true submissive is one whose sole desire is to please his wife.
So, I became more focused on her everyday happiness. And guess what, it’s hard work, especially if there’s no sexual stimulus.
But I kept telling myself that this is making V happy, and that makes me happier too, and once I get stuck into cleaning up, it’s not so bad. I’m on a roll so to speak and when it’s finished I’m glad it’s finished, except it’s never finished and it starts all over again!
No, I’ve had it. I’m too selfish. So, unless you’re a genuine submissive asexual wimp, with no selfish illusions, don’t go down this path. Most women wouldn’t want you anyway. Instead, initiate the occasional role play in bed and be satisfied with that.