My want is to worship you, to serve and obey you, to always put your needs above mine. You are my superior. You are strong, intelligent, sensitive and compassionate. You are Woman and you are beautiful.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

It's All Over

I haven’t written for a while and the reason is simple. V and I have broken up.

I moved out of home the weekend before last. It’s been 12 months since I first created my blog. It’s been a 12 month experiment which has ultimately failed.

When I look back, I can see all the signs. I can see clearly where I’ve gone wrong.

Some months I thought things between V and I would work out. Other lengthy periods were spent arguing. In the end, V called an end to it all. I moved out. She’s moving on with her life.

That’s about all I can say at the moment. My emotions are still too raw. I still haven’t come to terms with it. I’m still blocking out thought – at least in terms of reflexion or self appraisal.

The bottom line is that V has lost respect for me as a person – as an equal. And I can’t blame her. I can’t blame anything about her. The fault is all mine. I stuffed our marriage. No one else. I took a gamble and it didn’t pay off. Much more than that, it has destroyed two lives.

And the worst thing is, I believe we could have been very happy together for the rest of our lives if only I hadn’t pushed this obsession – if only I had treated it as a fantasy and not attempted to create a reality of female domination. It doesn’t work.


darylglen said...

Very sorry to hear it. Time will make everything get better, the tricky part is the first few weeks. But everything happens for a reason, and in 5 years from now, you will probably look back and see how far you've come.

Hang in there.

Elizabeth said...

Aw, honey, *hugs* to you. I haven't commented on your blog before, but I've been following it for many months.

Certainly wouldn't presume to give advice. I wish you and V the best. I hope you find a happy space.

hugs, E

Lady Julia said...

So sorry to hear this :( My thoughts are with you.

mark said...

good luck for the future

martin said...

Sorry to hear you're in a bad patch.

Just be sure to take good care of yourself & don't try to do too much.

Hope you remember to keep in touch with your other friends or keep blogging here so you're not alone.

You're really way too hard on yourself with your post & its just not true that she has no respect for you, even if she wants something different.


Female In Charge said...

I've been on the opposite side of things and can feel your pain. I do believe that it isn't fantasy and it can work. I know couples where it does work.

The pain takes a while to get past. Good luck with you.

Visiting your wonderful country in a few months.

Susan's Pet said...

I am sorry to hear of your breakup. Please consider your experience as an education. I know that it is hard to give up what you cherished, but maybe it was meant to be. You can find what you want if you just keep looking. Try to feel worthy and good about yourself, that is the only way a worthy and good person will recognize you. Keep your blog just to communicate with us. A good thing is bound to come your way.

licking said...

I am really sory what happened.
I think it was not a mistake you told your wife about your submissive desires.
You would not be happy if you lived a separate secret life.

I think you are too focused to live your fantasy.

Please try to analyze the core of your desires. Maybe you will discover the same as me:
The more important (satisfaying) is a dominant atitude of your wife.
When you realize this you will not be so pushy and your wife will have chance to develope her own dominance over you.

I whis you the best. And if you can continue with your blog I will be very happy.

fd said...

i am so sorry to hear that it didn't work out. After you have had a time to sort things out, i hope that you will be back again, continuing your quest. This lifestyle is hard and with so many things stacked against it i wonder how any of U/us keep it together and make it work. If you want it, and only if you want it, i would urge you to try again. Don't let fear of failure hold you back.

Anonymous said...

Sincere apologies, from someone who has been from something similar.

Started off in a similar place as you, where I introduced my femdom interests to my lady and she reacted much the same way as V. After a few months of on/off play, it became quite clear that the scene was not for her.

I think the major issue for us was that she needed to see me as her "equal" and "provider". When I mean provider, I don't mean as in providing financial security, since she is educated and perfectly capable of doing that herself. But instead, I mean a provider emotionally and physically. She wants someone she can look up to and lean on in times of uncertainty. When she is subbing me... that image of me as provider gets tarnished.

Anyways, my best wishes to you in the future and life is an endless journey of lessons and experiences. We grow through our losses. I am confident things will work out for you in the future.

Anonymous said...

I got exactly the same story happening to me. Pushed too hard and broke it. Not sure if will be able to glue the vase back now