I haven’t written for a while and the reason is simple. V and I have broken up.
I moved out of home the weekend before last. It’s been 12 months since I first created my blog. It’s been a 12 month experiment which has ultimately failed.
When I look back, I can see all the signs. I can see clearly where I’ve gone wrong.
Some months I thought things between V and I would work out. Other lengthy periods were spent arguing. In the end, V called an end to it all. I moved out. She’s moving on with her life.
That’s about all I can say at the moment. My emotions are still too raw. I still haven’t come to terms with it. I’m still blocking out thought – at least in terms of reflexion or self appraisal.
The bottom line is that V has lost respect for me as a person – as an equal. And I can’t blame her. I can’t blame anything about her. The fault is all mine. I stuffed our marriage. No one else. I took a gamble and it didn’t pay off. Much more than that, it has destroyed two lives.
And the worst thing is, I believe we could have been very happy together for the rest of our lives if only I hadn’t pushed this obsession – if only I had treated it as a fantasy and not attempted to create a reality of female domination. It doesn’t work.