My want is to worship you, to serve and obey you, to always put your needs above mine. You are my superior. You are strong, intelligent, sensitive and compassionate. You are Woman and you are beautiful.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Playing Around

V and I were due to have a “play session” last night.

It’s been a long time since we’ve had any sexual activity, partly because our lives have been so hectic lately.

Our usual play sessions (on the rare occasions we have them) involve heavy discipline using a cane or leather paddle, ass worship and golden showers. On the last occasion this was followed by masturbation and then me licking it up.

I was looking forward to this session, although I could tell V wasn’t so enthusiastic.

Prior to me raising the topic of FLR with V late last year we used to have these play sessions about once every two months. In between, during weekly intercourse, she would “talk dirty” to me – calling me a sissy, referring to my “small cock”, suggesting she needed a “real man” and that I should “watch in the corner” while he satisfied her.

These comments were designed to push my buttons – and they did.

Since I’ve tried to introduce a FLR lifestyle to our marriage, these play sessions have all but dried up. Sex is also much less regular. In fact, we haven’t had sex for more than two weeks. When we do, V is less inclined to “push my buttons”. She no longer gets into it at all.

So, generally speaking, you’d have to say the introduction of a FLR into our marriage has been a dismal failure. Things are even worse now than they were beforehand.

Which brings me to our play session last night. V understood my needs were exploding. She agreed to a session after dinner.

Dinner came and went, then she decided she wanted to watch a program on TV. By 10 pm I could gather pretty clearly that nothing was going to happen.

When I raised the topic, she said she was too tired. When I pushed her to expand, she said my submissiveness turned her off. She was no longer interested in it.

When I argued the point, she said she had no problem with me exploring this fetish outside the marriage. In fact, she encouraged me to go and visit a Domme or to go to a BDSM nightclup and find a suitable companion.

Did this mean she was encouraging me to have an affair? She said that if that’s what I need, then she won’t stop me. She understands my needs but she can’t provide for them.

This morning I left for work early. We haven’t had a chance to further explore last night’s discussions, but it seems the dynamics of our relationship are changing, and I don’t mind admitting I’m more than a little anxious.


Becker said...

Tread carefully my friend, understanding is one thing but jealousy is quite another and as understanding as she maybe the time when she needs you or wants you and your not there or your leaving to visit your Domme thats the time when jealousy kicks in.

Basicly if all the lights are green then go for it but keep a look out for the amber lights and be ready to back off V still has to come first.

Danny said...

Remember how upset she was upset when she realized you wanted to serve her because you felt women were superior and not simply because you were infatuated with her. So maybe she's testing you to see if it's just lines out of a book you're repeating or if you really don't care who you serve.

Actually thinking back, she seemed to be coming around to the whole thing when it was about you being submissive because of how much you loved and adored her. Maybe you could try channeling that again. Depending on what you decide to do about the opportunity presented, you could use this as your chance to, figuratively and literally, tell her that you would rather be dominated by her than any other woman.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

subservire said...

The fact is V and I are very much in love. The only problem with our relationship is that I want her to dominate me and she doesn't want to be dominant.

But that's not the only dimension to our relationship, Far from it. We enjoy each others company. We're soul mates. We laugh together, aspire together, fight and make up. We're volatile, passionate, complex. Basically your everyday couple.

The trouble is I've added a new mix to our relationship. It's one that V has a great deal of difficulty incorporating into our normal routine.

I know that deep down she'd be deeply hurt if I sought out another woman to satisfy my submissive fantasies.

We haven't spoken about it since the other night. Neither of us have raised the issue since. I didn't want to be the one to bring the subject up again. V hasn't mentioned it either.

It's been a busy Easter with the kids, socialising with friends etc. The issue hasn't come up.

But I know V didn't mean it when she said I should find a Domme. She doesn't want that and either do I.

I think you may be right Danny. Maybe to some degree she was testing me. Maybe I should channel my submissive desires into simply serving her because I adore her, without any expectations of reward. That's the true submissive.