My want is to worship you, to serve and obey you, to always put your needs above mine. You are my superior. You are strong, intelligent, sensitive and compassionate. You are Woman and you are beautiful.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Either Your Dom or Not

Perhaps I’m a slow learner but I’ve finally come to the conclusion you can’t coerce your partner to become dominant.

While Elise Sutton, Ms Rika and other well known Dominas have suggested the best way to find a dominant partner is staring you in the face, I don’t believe existing relationships can easily adapt to a Femdom lifestyle.

Put simply, I don’t believe you can change someone’s nature. Trying to change your spouse will inevitably lead to disaster.

Either your partner is dominant or she isn’t. If it’s a suppressed part of her nature, the chances are you CAN draw that part of her personality to the fore, and that can lead to a successful Femdom relationship.

However, if it isn’t there to begin with, you can’t create it within her.

Sure, if you take on a submissive role, you can spoil your partner. She can become selfish or bossy, but you can’t create a Domina unless it’s a natural part of her make-up.

Herein lies the dilemma for many submissive males living in a long-term relationship. While many women will accommodate your submissiveness to some degree, it is rare for them to initiate Femdom activities.

V is yet to initiate Femdom in any meaningful way. She’ll accommodate my submissiveness to some degree, but it’s just to satisfy me, not her.


iobey said...

I have to agree. I'm not sure it's possible to take a woman with no previous interest or disposition to being dominant - and convert her. It would be the same for a woman trying to turn a male, with no interest in dominance or submission, in to one of those roles. I think you need to pursue women who are at least open to it at the get-go. Just my thoughts...

cagedone said...

I have to agree here as well. Although I also think that what a person will try is largely tied to their libido. I would call myself a switch, I would like to try both sides, but I also have a INTEREST in both sides because I have a high libido.

My wife simply told me that it actually does not do anything for her. Then again I know it does SOMETHING for her I just havn't quite worked out what.

faninho said...

Well I am shifting from happyness to frustration concerning this for many years. It is all about learning what a woman IS. At least it is part of the game, keeps you hunting. Nothing is granted. We have to have it like that obviously. But from time to time it is hard, very hard, because you think you compromise to much on your side (which might not be true). No, you can't change a person at all, that's right. But you can provoke (slowly...!) hidden sides of her personality and see them increase, because they where there. And this is what happened to me: she called the shots more and more, and it is not always fun for me. But sometimes it feels "pure female nature". And being allowed to be part to that spectacle ...makes me sometimes very happy again.

subservire said...

You're right, faninho, when you say "But you can provoke (slowly...!) hidden sides of her personality and see them increase, because they where there."

The trouble is I can't find those hidden sides when it comes to a sexual aspect to female domination.

I'd love her to get sexually excited about female domination - even in some tiny way - but it doesn't appear to be there.

I'd certainly welcome any suggestions.

Polyfetishist said...

Ms. Rika and others are a bit too optimistic for sure. My mother could never have dominated my father, no matter what.

I hope you are able to find some satisfaction in being mindful and attentive. I know that is far short of what you need but it would be a little something.