My want is to worship you, to serve and obey you, to always put your needs above mine. You are my superior. You are strong, intelligent, sensitive and compassionate. You are Woman and you are beautiful.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

The Twilight Zone

There was a comment that polyfetishist made in response to my last post. He referred to my FLR as a “houseboy” thing.

That started me thinking. Am I merely playing the role of a houseboy to my wife, performing the household chores of cleaning, cooking etc? Am I simply a 1950’s housewife? And if so, how does this role fit with the generally accepted definition of a Female Led Relationship?

If sex is rarely a part of our FLR, what differentiates me from simply being a houseboy to my wife?

In my fantasy world, my wife would control me completely - mentally, physically, financially - and she could do whatever she wanted. I, on the other hand, would be looked on as a servant/slave with no rights or expectation of privileges. I would be required to ask permission to perform tasks for my wife and thank her for allowing me to please her.

In my fantasy my wife would demand me to satisfy her sexually, but would masturbate me, piss on me and allow me to lick her bottom. She would humiliate me, whip me, fuck me and cuckold me.

In reality, however, I am simply a houseboy going about the routine daily chores.

Is this a Female Led Relationship? Is this what I had in mind when I begged to be her servant?

I don’t think so and perhaps that’s why I’m having so much difficulty finding the willpower and motivation I need to serve her.

But can I expect her to act out my fantasies if they aren’t her own? Or is that trying to “top from the bottom”?

We could end this all now if I wanted. We could simply go back to being a normal married couple with equal rights and obligations to each other, and the occasional Femdom play session.

But then I’d see what my life would be like without serving her and there’d just be a huge hole. I’d be miserable, totally unfulfilled.

So I’m trapped in this twilight zone – neither satisfied nor discontent.

1 comment:

Polyfetishist said...

In our fantasies we are just "trash" at times. But nobody really wants to be or live with trash.

We all want to love and be loved.

It is possible to act as both slave and lover. Given time, given a partner who can enjoy both.

For me it is a form of play. If I couldn't hold her there'd be no lasting pleasure in serving her.

Never push a woman too hard or fast into territory she isn't comfortable with.