As I mention previously, V and I had a major argument a couple of weeks ago which nearly resulted in separation.
At the time, despite all the mental anguish, I couldn't help thinking what I would do if V actually left me.
What if she lost respect for me as a husband, could she then find it easier to accept me as a slave; abase me, deride me but still use me for her own benefit?
If we were no longer married, there'd be no need to respect me. We wouldn't have an emotional tie. Our relationship would no longer be based on love and respect. In fact, she might be vindictive enough to use me as a slave.
V is a lousy cook. She's also got used to me being a houseboy. In fact she enjoys me doing all the house duties.
Would she allow me to serve her if we were no longer married? What would I do? Would I abase myself completely, throw myself on her mercy and beg to serve as a slave rather than a husband? To what level of degradation would I stoop?
As frightening as it was to contemplate that V might actually leave me, there was a perverse excitement that she may still allow me to serve her. I was sexually stimulated by the thought.
What a debased individual I am!