I’m becoming annoyed and frustrated by the negative attitudes of some within this community towards those of us who are trying to find our way within a Female Led Relationship.
Personally I don’t see the difference in definition between a Female Led Relationship (FLR) and Loving Female Authority (LFA). In fact, I don’t see the need for a definition at all.
Yet I recently read a post from a self proclaimed “slave” to his female partner who was critical of those involved in Loving Female Authority (LFA) relationships.
In part he said:
“So it is sad for me to say that I just don't get these so-called LFA relationships. I've read several bloggers and other writers involved in or looking to get involved in these types of relationships. Occasionally, one of them will even have a good idea that causes me to reflect on my own relationship and how I can better serve my Owner. But for the most part, I just can't wrap my head around their outlook.”
Now this seems puzzling to me. Here is a male who, by his own acknowledgment, is in a long-term relationship with a woman. He loves and values his partner and she loves and values him. He defers to her judgment and states that it is this deferral which makes the relationship work so well.
In another post he says:
“I will defer to her judgement. This is the thing that makes our relationship work so well, that I am more interested in obeying her than feeling I am "right" and that I trust her judgement to guide us along the correct path, even if I don't necessarily agree with her view.”
Yet he doesn’t see himself in a Loving Female Authority relationship. Moreover, he says he “doesn’t get these so called LFA relationships.”
“I have to honestly say, I don't understand the attraction for others to these LFA relationships. But I have to laugh every once in a while when I get lumped into that same group. We are very different creatures indeed.”
From his postings it appears that LFA relationships are partly defined where one sex is considered to be inferior to the other: “So I have trouble understanding how emotionally healthy it can be to be in a relationship where one sex is considered to be inferior to the other”.
A Female Led Relationship, Loving Female Authority, Female Led Marriage – what do these terms mean?
Does it really matter? Do we need a definition? Why are some within this community disparaging of others simply because of the term they use to describe their love and devotion towards their female partner.
Who says all males within a LFA relationship believe they are inferior to their female partners? Some may believe they are inferior. Others may not. Who cares? And why the need to criticize those who do?
It seems to me the terms Female Led Relationship and Loving Female Authority mean different things to different people – and so they should. Peoples relationships evolve in different ways.
For my part I have latched onto the term “Female Led Relationship” because to me it best described what I wanted from my relationship. Formal definitions don’t come into it.
And I am certainly not about to start making negative value judgments on others who choose to use this term to describe their own unique relationships.
Now I know there are other readers who have reflected on my progress (or lack of it) in a FLR. And several have used my post to question the merits of my approach. Indeed some have used my setbacks to justify their own preconceived notion on how a FLR should function.
To them I would say keep an open mind.
Please don’t criticize me for the way I go about trying to progress a Female Led Relationship.
Please don’t make value judgments on how I relate to my wife, on how I express my own submission, what I say to my wife or what I do.
We are all trying to find our own way – in our own way. That’s the meaning of life.
FLR, LFA, BDSM, Femdom, S&M or whatever. Labels – who needs them?