My want is to worship you, to serve and obey you, to always put your needs above mine. You are my superior. You are strong, intelligent, sensitive and compassionate. You are Woman and you are beautiful.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

My Mistake

It seems my concerns about V were unfounded. I’ve been a fool and V was more than justified in taking the approach she did with me.

Once things settled down she explained her thoughts. This is pretty much what she said:

“I believed you were doing this because you loved me, adored me, worshiped the ground I walked on. Not because I’m genetically superior. What sort of crap is that?

“I was really getting in to you serving me because you WANT to, not because of some kinky fantasy about women being superior.

“You’re just trying to fulfil some fantasy you’ve read from Sutton’s book. You’re paraphrasing what she says word for word as if you’ve rehearsed it. That’s not romantic. It’s tragic, it’s pathetic, and when I said “stop” I wanted to stop you from being pathetic.

“I don’t want a pathetic partner who actually believes women are superior because of their genetic make-up. That’s bullshit.

“Sure, women are better than men at some things and I know we mature earlier, learn quicker, are higher achievers in many respects. I’m a teacher. I know these things. But don’t feed me that crap about women being superior to men. Women fought against men being superior in the 1960’s. It’s ridiculous to now argue the total opposite.

“That’s your fantasy not mine and you just sound pathetic by carrying on about it.

“When I said stop, I was trying to save you the embarrassment. But you kept going on. This isn’t about me or what I want. It’s about what you want. That’s what made me furious.

“I want romance, not some perversion about women being genetically superior. That’s hardly romantic. I want you to do these things for me because you adore me. That’s romantic. Now you’ve ruined it. I was getting into this because you made me feel special; because I thought you loved me. And you’d gone to so much effort to please me. But it wasn’t pleasing me, was it. It was fulfilling your fantasy of the all superior, all knowing female dominant.

“Don’t bother, and don’t disrespect my intelligence by reciting such crap from that book. Of course women aren’t superior. Nor are men superior. We’re equal and that’s what feminists have been fighting for since the 1960’s and before.”

What an idiot I am. I feel like doing away with all the shit I’ve been writing about on this blog. She’s right. It is an embarrassment.

I think Polyfetishist was right on the money when he commented: “I think Sutton does us all a great disservice. Men are not inferior. Sutton's research is just trash.”

I feel embarrassed at the way I’ve slavishly followed her opinions and advice.

It seems I’ve misjudged V yet again.


saratoga said...

Certainly there are many styles of hetero relationships. And even different styles of FemDom relationships.

I've reflected a fair amount on Elise Sutton's writing and beliefs over the years. Many of my Domme friends find her view of Female Superiority to be over the top and, as your wife evidently does, simply irrational and specious.

For me, as I have written on my blog, Female Superiority refers to how I feel about my Mistress, whom I have chosen to serve, and has chosen to have me. It doesn't refer to women in general.

As for your current situation, if you and your wife love each other deeply and fundamentally, and you had already progressed as you had in prior posts, then you probably can regroup and find a level of mutually satisfying FemDom relationship/marriage.

You're just as new at this as she is, so, chances are, the two of you can discuss how to reach the place she would like.

I hope things work out to your mutual fulfillment.


subservire said...

Thanks. I'm sure things will continue to progress towards our Female Led Marriage. V is very forgiving.

We've cleared the air and are now back on track. I've simply got to learn to serve her as she wants and not to push too hard.

As for Elise Sutton's views on the genetics of Female Superiority, that's something V cannot accept, however, she has found the book to be enlightening in other respects. Certainly it's provided V with inspiration and a clearer understanding of what makes me tick. It's also helped her adjust to a Female-Led Marriage and the benefits we can both receive from such a lifestyle. So, in many respects, Elise Sutton's book, "Female Domination" has proven to be very beneficial to both of us.

V has told me that I'm to be formally disciplined once a week. After my blunders this week, I suspect it's going to be a very painful, although joyful, experience.

Will keep you posted.

Bonnie said...

I think Polyfetishist was right on the money when he commented: “I think Sutton does us all a great disservice. Men are not inferior. Sutton's research is just trash.”

Richard right on the money in my veiws i like how saratoga worded his opinion on Female superiority.

Female Superiority refers to how I feel about my Mistress, whom I have chosen to serve, and has chosen to have me. It doesn't refer to women in general.

This is good advice to follow.

Laura said...

V said it really well.

Men get caught up in the fetish and don't consider this should be a relationship between two people. I've only had one sub who really served me when it wasn't about performing for him according to his list of fetishes and commandments about how a Femdom is supposed to behave, dress, etc.

A Femdom (whatever phrase you choose) should be doing this because she loves it, gets a thrill and feels cared for and romanced/ courted by her male sub. I stopped looking for a male sub cause none of them wanted to get to know me in order to serve me. They thought knowing me didn't matter cause it was all about how I would perform and how they would serve me. Nothing personal. Why would any women want that unless she was being paid by the hour?

Polyfetishist said...

Your wife is your lover and your friend. And will always want to be wife, lover and friend before dominant.

Alexandra and I enjoy some pretty hardcore S&M but still cuddle up like every other romantic pair and watch movies or simply sit and enjoy the physical contact.

The appeal of Sutton is partly that people always want a paradigm or structure. And they like (ahem) simple explanations.

To swipe Destiny and chance's line the two of you will work out a lifestyle created by you. The only real "rules" are the ones that make the two of you happy.

I know the setbacks hurt - and we've had them - but you seem to be marking remarkably swift progress.

Best wishes as always.

Anonymous said...

As a male submissive I would only be interested in a Domme if it was a normal relationship in which the lines between fantasy and reality where clear and that it is a sexuality that we share.

Its not my personality at all. I am very interested in hearing what a Domme wants in terms of her sexuality to please her in this way but that has nothing to do with that I am submissive but more to do with how my sexuality compliments hers and I want to make it fun in the same way any one else would. I would want this to be reciprocal while on both ends limits are respected and neither have to do what the other one wants if they are not comfortable with it.

I enjoy having intellectual discussions with a Domme in which we can both agree/disagree, just like with anyone else.

I am not and never will be interested in power or my sexuality spilling over into the realm of power in the actaul relationship.

Anything I do for a Domme outside of this would be because I want to anyway for her as a person, enjoy her company, go out and have fun etc.

I like being ordered around and all the usual stuff yes, but Ive only ever seen this as a sexuality.

Anonymous said...

Also if a Domme suddenly orders me around and I take to this. I see this actually as no more than being seduced in the same way anyone else of any other sexuality might with their partner. I suppose if I approach it myself then this is me trying to seduce.

I see it as sexual. For this to be shared between the 2 people. I wouldnt be interested in a woman who is in Domme mode all the time as it seems many Dommes arent interested in subs who are in sub mode all the time.

I am quite capable of snapping out of it on and off like a light switch.

I dont see submission as an expression of love in iteself, I see it as a form of lovemaking to be shared by couple.

and this doctrine makes me go down like a turd in many places.

Anonymous said...

As a submissive male, I respect V's feelings. They are perfectly understandable and reasonable.

But i also adore Elise Sutton and feel that Her views are valid as well!

I feel that there are many forms of Female dominance. The Female is a wondrous, incredible, awe-inspiring and diverse being.

Dominant Women should be true to their individual natures. They are all worthy of respect and veneration, in this humble sub's opinion.

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

In one of the parallel universes you create in your mind, all Women are genetically superior to all men, and that's the way it is in that mental universe.

In another universe of the mind (where perhaps only the two of you exist), this particular Woman is, alone and solely, the Most Beautiful, Powerful and Perfect person that ever existed, and you, alone, are privileged to be Her worshiper and slave.

These are just two of the many universes that Y/you may create for Y/your own enjoyment. But within each of them, the rule that its participants have created apply, and you live by them.

Neither one negates the other, and as long as you stay within those rules, whatever they are, you will be happy.