My want is to worship you, to serve and obey you, to always put your needs above mine. You are my superior. You are strong, intelligent, sensitive and compassionate. You are Woman and you are beautiful.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Playing with Fire

I’ve come to a crossroad and our relationship is in a precarious position.

Two weeks ago I ordered Elise Sutton’s book “Female Domination” from America. It arrived in a brown cardboard wrapper on Friday. It’s somewhat larger than I’d imagined it to be – about 300 pages.

Anyway, I started reading it when I got home from work. V was having a rest in the bedroom.

Chapter Two of Ms Sutton’s book is titled “The Superior Sex”. This chapter talks about women possessing the greater strengths – intellectually, emotionally, spiritually and sexually. Her premise is supported by convincing scientific and social research.

By all accounts, it provides an indisputable argument that women are indeed the superior sex and that it’s only a short matter of time before females ascend to the topmost positions of authority in business and politics.

I thought this chapter might appeal to V, particularly some of the research results.

I was wrong.

It seems as though the book itself triggered an eruption in V’s mind. The cover of the book displaying an erotic leather-clad woman didn’t help improve her perception.

“I don’t want to read that stuff.

“This is going too far. I give an inch and you want a mile.

“This isn’t about what I want. It’s about what you want! I want a normal relationship.

“I want to make my own cup of tea. I want to do things for myself.

“What’s happened to the man I married? You’ve turned into a mindless, obsessed moron. That’s not who I fell in love with!”

This is dangerous territory. What’s wrong with me? I’m normally very perceptive. I can normally read people’s reasoning. In business I survive on intuition.

Is my personality changing? Perhaps it is. During the past few weeks, since I’ve become totally self-absorbed with a FLR, I’ve become less socially interactive. I’m no longer interested in small-talk conversation at work. I’m less inclined to seek interaction with friends.

I’ve taken one step forward and now two steps back. Christ, I wish I knew someone who I could confide in, someone who could help guide me through this process. I know there are hundreds of internet sites which provide all sorts of help, but that’s not the same as just talking to someone you trust. And the person I trust most of all, namely my wife, I can’t talk to!

It’s time to back off. My marriage is riding on what I do next. Time to take a deep breath. Let things calm down.

Maybe I’ll show her this blog site. No, not yet. This is my therapy, my refuge. At the moment this is just for me.

In the meantime I’ll surf the net, read other blogs, interact online. Maybe I’ll find some sense in all of this.


Polyfetishist said...

I think Sutton does us all a great disservice. Men are not inferior. Sutton's research is just trash. Most women who use female superiority on the web are doing so because there is money in it. Be it phone sex or selling books or website memberships.

More women are comfortable with creating an erotic play space where they act out D/s than are interested into trying it as a "lifestyle."

My beloved takes great pleasure in our D/s play. It is often quite strong and harsh. But when we first started I got too wrapped up in it and she wasn't happy. She wants both the whole man and the "slave."

Even women who are inclined toward erotic dominance grow into it over time. But that doesn't mean a woman will find LFA or FLR attractive. Just that she may enjoy kinky play more over time.

My beloved does enjoy beating me and humiliating me. But also just having me hold her, being her man.

I don't know you so I can't really know what you really need. But all of us with these inclinations often think we want more than we really do. We have so much bottled up frustration that it blocks a clear image of what kind of life we really want to lives for years and years to come with the one we love.

Best of luck.

subservire said...

Polyfetishist. You struck a chord in me with what you said.
I agree. While Ms Sutton has obviously spend some 20 years living and "researching" this lifestyle, she has adopted a particular approach to Femdom which is not necessarily appropriate to all.

It's interesting that we seem to label female domination, or loving female authority, in the same category, as if we all relate in the same way.
In fact, we are all very different.
I guess most men who are in love with their wives or partners would like to please them. At times, they want to serve their wives/partners simply because they love them.
Our D/S relationships are an extension of that. We have a greater need to please our partners. For most of us, we like to serve our partners. That's the difference to the norm.
But to take Elise Sutton's leap, and suggest we wish to be feminized, humiliated, whipped and fucked up the ass,is a massive leap.
Sure, some of us want all of the above. However, I suspect most of us don't. And that's why Elise Sutton's book has little relevance to most of us in this community.

Garry said...

Have you read the text of 'Worship Your Wife'? I'm new to this too, we did read this together, and now I'm just 'letting it rest' before bringing it up again. Check my blog for other pertinent blogs and the link I mentioned above.

tantraseeker said...

Hi. I think a lot of us have got to this point. I got very excited by Elise Suttons stuff when I first saw it and her stories were a big turn on but I think it has its limitations.

I dont think her research is trash, some of it is ok and many women are definitely getting off on the power, which is good and therapeutic for them. But some are taking revenge on men ansd parading their own emotional fuckedupness and its not a pretty sight. Elise fails to see that some women have major issues to deal with as well and they are not fit to dom anyone. Many of them are far from goddesses and their exploitative behaviour around men is no better than the male kind. We dont need any of that.

My suggestion, for what its worth, is have a look at Tantra with your lover. Tantra is about playing with all your energy, not just the submissive side of it. Its also about celebrating the God in you as well as the Goddess in her. its very respectful, empowering and you will both experience some amazing things physically emotionally and spriritually if you give it a chance and it will allow you both to try out all sorts of stuff, including femdom, but in a way that helps both of you to grow. Being a snivelling little bullied runt is no good for any guy. Its fab to be submissive, I love it, but playing is different from BEING a sub which is not good for you in the long run.

Since doing tantra, weve tried out all sorts of stuff including femdom, fetish clubs, strapon fucking, she dressed me up as a girl - all good sexy femdom stuff and its all been fun, which is also sometimes lacking in D/s circles. It all gets a bit over intense, serious and even nasty. But tantra gives a spiritual and a play element and enhances the love between you so that is what I think makes it so fascinating. We are more in love than ever. If you have never ridden the 'wave of bliss' you havent lived!

Good luck and keep blogging

Anonymous said...

You should throw those books and that trash away and do the following.

1. Take your wife out to a romantic dinner

2. Bring her home, take a little control, and have a good time with her and make her feel great.

3. Start realizing that this entire Female-Led thing isn't about some scientific superiority theory or any crap like that - it is about a husband and wife doing things together in a way that makes them BOTH happy.

4. Maybe take a vacation with her and act like a normal, tourist, couple and just have a good time and step away from reading, writing, and thinking about female-led lit. Try a week away from it and see the freedom that your mind will have.

5. Stop being a slave to your desires and start controlling yourself and be your own master. In essence, BE A MAN. You don't love your wife because she leads you, you love her because of who she is and because you have sworn your lives to each other.

6. Even your submissiveness should have manliness in it and some sense of self-control and dignity or else she will lose her respect and dignity for you.

Anonymous said...

My God, the comments are exactly what I needed to hear. My wife fell in love with the man I was. Ten years later, encouraged by my secret obsession, we exchanged power, going to the very edge of submission - cuckoldry. She needed that MAN, and fell in love with him because I had become more and more a wimp, a servant to her, in essence totally abdicating my manhood. She had lost her respect for me. The difference between me and her lover were stark. He was a gent, he was also sensitive but he acted like a man. Fortunately, she had a residue of love for me, which we used to rekindle our relationship. After 5 long years, she has broken up with her lover and she's back with me. We still PLAY, but I'm done with 24x7 FLR. I take her like a man when I feel like it and she loves it. To do that, I had to wean my mind off years of submissive maleness.