My want is to worship you, to serve and obey you, to always put your needs above mine. You are my superior. You are strong, intelligent, sensitive and compassionate. You are Woman and you are beautiful.

Monday, December 18, 2006

It’s Respect, Not Expect

I’m making an effort not to appear submissive. Our daily routine remains much the same. I still make her breakfast and dinner, and I still do most of the household duties.

The weekend argument is forgotten and we are happy once more. The difference is that I don’t place any expectations on her. If she chooses to “reward” me in some small way, that’s entirely her initiative.

This is the way I should have allowed things to progress from the start.

If there’s any advice I can give others who wish to embark on a Female Led lifestyle, it’s this:

Just do things for your wife. Don’t expect anything in return.
Don’t raise the topic of Femdom. Show her the benefits of this lifestyle by example. Serve her more each day but don’t place any pressure on her.

I think V is subconsciously starting to accept our new roles. She’s beginning to see me as her servant and she seems comfortable with that – at the moment.

If I ever detect any hesitation on her part, I back off. I’ll engage her in a conversation about politics, current affairs, her career, her future goals – whatever. But the important thing is to maintain her interest in me as an intelligent individual – not as a slavish puppy dog.

So it seems she is taking to me serving her. She enjoys that aspect of our relationship. But she also wants me to think for myself, stand up for myself and appear as her equal in all other things.

In time, I’m sure, the dynamics of our new roles will sink into her psyche and she’ll genuinely see me as her inferior. She’ll embrace her newfound authority over me and this lifestyle will become perfectly normal. But I have to let HER grow into this role without my encouragement; on her terms, in her own good time.

In the meanwhile, I just try to make her life as comfortable as possible.

This morning, before leaving for work, I changed the bed linen and put on a crisp, white bedcover, white sheets and pillowcases. I then went down to the local shopping strip and bought six long-stemmed red roses. I put these on the pillows as a surprise when she arrives home from work tonight.

Secretly I’m still reading Elise Sutton’s book “Female Domination”. But I don’t do so openly, and I don’t leave the book around where V can see it. I don’t want to remind V of terms like Femdom. I don’t want to associate our new lifestyle with any expectations on her part.

Take it slowly. That’s the hardest thing for me, but it’s the only thing I can do.

Besides, over the past week or so I HAVE been topping from the bottom, I HAVE been pressuring her, making demands on her. I’ve been extremely selfish. I’ve been manipulative to achieve my own personal desires and, indirectly, I’ve been the one who has dominated our relationship.

This is simply not acceptable. Nor is it workable. No wonder we’ve got off to such a bad start.

It’s little wonder V has been confused and exasperated. On the one hand she’s expected to be in charge, to give me orders. On the other hand there’s this expectation on her to behave in a certain way, to provide certain gratifications.

I should expect no reward. I should not EXPECT at all!

It seems I’m finally learning.


Polyfetishist said...

She may never see you as her inferior. Sutton aside that isn't a popular desire among all that many dominant women.

But more as her humble and devoted partner whose strongest desire is to make her happy.

Don't get me wrong. I love feeling like I'm her slave. I like being treated as her slave. When it is appropriate. But I know she wouldn't want the slave if she didn't also have me as her "rock" and strong shoulder to lean on.

Mixing the two can be so blissful and beautiful.

Best of luck.

Polyfetishist said...

Thanks for the kind words you left on my site last night.

You are going to run across people who push one approach as the "true way" when there isn't just one.

You may also enjoy:

among others if you haven't seen them.

And despite the site's name there's often quite a bit about D/s as play between happy couples at:

I understand your burning need all too well. Even though my beloved and I planned on kink when we got together I tended to want too much too soon. To get serious about it and not think of it as a way for both of us to have fun.

helpmate hubby said...

your learing the trick my friend, take it slow and let her evolve at her own pace. It took my Wife along time to get to where we can openly discuss the FLR aspects of our relationship, even though we certainly had been living in a FLR for quite awhile. Take it slow and when she does give you an order respond immeidately and do everyting you can to subtly show that the gretest thrill in your life is serving her. From the sounds of things i think she has got lots of potential! Good luck and keep us posted! Real life FLR blogs are the most interesting for me and many others by far an i hope you will keep contributing to the growth of our FLR community! Be blessed!

Lady Julia said...

"If I ever detect any hesitation on her part, I back off. I’ll engage her in a conversation about politics, current affairs, her career, her future goals – whatever. But the important thing is to maintain her interest in me as an intelligent individual – not as a slavish puppy dog."

If you can print this out and read it every day or so, I would suggest doing so. Keep reading it almost like a mantra until it's ingrained in you because this is extremely wise.

In spite of what is promoted on many FemDom sites, most women (and men for that matter) want to be with someone they respect and that respects them, someone that cares about them FOR THEM - not for what they can give back, and someone who makes them feel special just as they are.

I hope things progress well for you. You seem honest and sincere.

VeezKnight said...

Congratulations on coming out to Vicki. That's the biggest and most important step. In pursuit of this lifestyle you'll read lots of opinions and get much advice about how FemDom "should" be. But in the end it will be whatever works and is comfortable for the both of you. If the two of you communicate often and honestly with one another, I think you'll find your way and your relationship will continue to evolve.

oldbear456321 said...

Hi Amigo, I am new to your blog, so please forgive me if I am sticking my finger in your pie by adding to what (Richard?)-Polyfetishist said

She may not ever do the following: "embrace her newfound authority over me and this lifestyle will become perfectly normal".

My wife never did, and she made it clear from the start she wanted none of it.

I immediately chose her ovr the fetish things about my sexuality, but felt conflicted for not doing all the crap society says like "beign true to your self" and all that.

i have come to realize and believe that friendship and love come first, and that if a Lady never really embraces the dominannt role, the man should "shut up and take it like a man"

It can happen that she never really dominates, besides me , look at Hardwired and his Bella.

Just be glad she accepts the service you are allowed to give her, and to have lady who will accept and love you even if she doesnt quite get why you are who you are, or relate to ALL your interests.

PAX and love to you brother! OB