Yesterday was my birthday.
V asked if I’d like to go out for dinner. I said I’d rather cook a special meal at home (see recipe below) followed by a light play session.
After dinner she re-raised the topic of a Female-Led Marriage. She said she was willing to look at the pages I’d printed from various web sites. We discussed the content in some detail.
Let me express some of V’s concerns:
Firstly, she sees very little in this lifestyle of value to the wife. Most of the literature talks about the husband doing a greater share of domestic duties and pleasing the wife in bed, while being denied regular physical release himself. This doesn’t do anything for V.
Sure, she enjoys it if I do more around the house. But that’s what she expects from a modern day marriage. She no more respects a matriarchal marriage than she does a patriarchal one. To her, marriage should be about both partners supporting each other; helping each other around the house, treating each other with respect, living and communicating as two equals.
She’s concerned that her personality will change if she allows me to serve at her beck and call. She feels she’ll become more self-centered, spoilt, lazy, demanding, and that’s not who she wants to be.
V believes most of the information on this subject is written by men, for men. It’s about men’s desires to be dominated and how women can be manipulated to accommodate those desires.
She believes it’s emotionally draining for a woman to be regularly required to keep the submissive partner in a state of erotic stimulation or expectation. It’s an unrealistic day-to-day lifestyle which works to destroy the cherished principles of marriage; namely to love, honor and respect.
Having said that, V understands and accepts my submissive side. In many respects, she values the caring, sensitive, feminine (not feminized) part of my personality. This is part of what she finds endearing in our relationship.
During our discussions I apologized that my obsessions had added a complication to our relationship. I suggested that perhaps we could gradually build on the aspects of our relationship we enjoyed.
Would she feel comfortable with me taking over more of the household responsibilities?
Yes, within moderation. But don’t make it seem like there’s an expectation in return.
Would she enjoy regular back and foot massages?
Yes, I’d always welcome a massage, but do it because you want to and not because it’s part of a game.
Could I buy her special treats or tributes?
Yes, but only on occasions otherwise they won’t seem special.
Given my deep-seated desire to be her servant as well as her partner, could she accept and nurture that deep-seated need?
Yes, I’ll try but don’t expect me to constantly “acknowledge” it.
In other words, V is happy to gradually incorporate my subservient desires into our daily relationship on the understanding that she’s doing this for me, not for her satisfaction. She will “accommodate” female authority provided I don’t put undue pressure on her.
I believe we have made significant progress since the weekend. The point is to take things slowly – not to overwhelm her.
I’m conscious that, if I push too hard, V will lose her respect for me as an individual. And that would DESTROY our relationship.
Salmon fillets with green apple salad
½ teaspoon salt
2 salmon fillets (or cutlets)
1 green apple, sliced into “matchsticks”
1 red onion, sliced thinly
1 cup loosely packed fresh mint leaves
½ cup loosely packed fresh coriander leaves
¼ cup lemon juice
½ cup roasted unsalted cashews
Palm sugar dressing:
1/3 cup grated palm sugar (or brown caster sugar)
2 tablespoons fish sauce
2 teaspoons grated ginger
1. Sprinkle salt evenly over fish. Cook fish medium-high heat on oiled grill plate (or barbecue) until browned both sides and cooked as desired.
2. Meanwhile, combine apple, onions, mint, coriander and juice in large bowl; pour over half the palm sugar dressing, toss to combine. Divide fish among serving plates; top with salad, then cashews. Drizzle remaining dressing over fish.
Palm sugar dressing
Combine ingredients in small saucepan; bring to boil. Remove from heat; strain. Cool before using.
Roast cashew nuts in a large heavy-base frying pan, stirring, until the cashews are fragrant. Stir them constantly when roasting because they can burn and become unpalatable very quickly.
Don’t slice the apples until you’re ready to toss with the dressing because they’ll brown when exposed to the air.