I haven’t posted for a while because there hasn’t been a lot to say. I guess it’s patently apparent from my recent reflections that openly acknowledged Female Authority is not working in our relationship, so I’ve taken a step back.
V is obviously aware that I still entertain submissive obsessions but chooses to ignore them. And I’ve learnt to restrain from any reference to FLR, as hard as that is to keep in check.
Besides, V is far too busy studying and working to give any thought to my sexual fantasies....or to sex at all for that matter!
So I’ve settled down to my old ways – the days before I tried to initiate a female led marriage. I browse the internet, join chat groups, read other blogs and fantasize about relationships with other women.
If I’m walking the street, I’ll try to spot women I think might be dominant. Can you pick a Domme in the street? I don’t know, but some women certainly display that aura.
On Saturday night we had some friends over for dinner. I did all the preparation, cooking and cleaning up. Without wishing to brag, I was an excellent chef, maître d' and sommelier.
V didn’t lift a finger and it felt good to play the role of the dutiful servant. Throughout the night V treated me as little more than a staff attendant, virtually dismissing me as someone outside the social gathering.
On the whole, V still expects me to provide her with a high level of service. She still expects me to clean the house, make the bed, do the laundry, cook the meals and tidy up afterwards. She still demands a certain obedience.
I guess, in many ways V is indicating that she’s the head of the household, and she is demonstrating her authority over me. She’s comfortable in that role now – far more so than she was before.
The other day she said: ”It’s all well and good you doing what I tell you, but you don’t show enough self-initiative. I shouldn’t have to tell you to do the washing. You should think to do it for yourself.”
So, in some respects our marriage IS evolving into a Femdom relationship. It’s just that there’s no excitement in it, no sexual charge.
God forbid if I say it, but I DON’T FEEL APPRECIATED. Rather, I feel used and abused. Taken for granted. Ironically, there’s an unsettling analogy here with the commonly expressed feelings of those dutiful housewives in the 1950’s and 60’s. Interesting.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Meeting the Needs of a Slave
I have recently joined a social fetish website called FetLife which which has some interesting discussion bulletins.
One of the posts I came across today was submitted by Kruella which I think is worth publishing. What do you think?
"Meeting the Needs of a Slave
By Mistress Norische
There are many things that a slave needs. Some think that a slave has no needs; that once a slave becomes owned he or she has all he or she will ever need. I beg to differ; I have found in my experience that there are several things a slave needs.
Communication. .. A slave needs to be able to communicate with their owner and to have their owner communicate and actively listen to him or her. A slave needs to feel as if what they have to say has meaning, and is important.
Service... A slave is like a well-made tool, to be used and used well. If a tool is allowed to set in a box somewhere unattended it will rust or become obsolete. A slave must be allowed to serve in order to sharpen his or her skills and gain experience.
Purpose... As with any individual a slave needs to have a purpose, a reason for his or her existence.
Structure... A slave needs to be surrounded by structure, order, and discipline. Chaos may lead to change and variety, but within the life of a slave it leads to fear and uncertainty.
Appreciation. .. A slave needs to know his or her efforts are appreciated and that he or she is needed. If a slave goes without this form of support then the self-esteem of the slave becomes questionable and hence his or her performance will suffer.
Discipline.. . A slave expects and needs discipline. This does not mean taking a strap to a slave if he or she forgets to end a sentence with Ma'am or Sir. It means the slave must know what is expected of him or her, know what is unacceptable and understand the consequences of any deviation of behavior or action. The worst discipline you can bestow on a slave is to not to allow him or her to serve, or to ignore him or her.
Safety... A slave must know they are safe. I may hurt my slaves but I will never harm them. A slave has the right to expect a safe, healthy environment…both physically and emotionally.
Respect... A slave must understand respect and in turn be treated with respect. As an individual everyone deserves some respect, a slave is no different. Just as the owner requires a certain amount of respect so therefore does the slave.
Honesty... A slave has the right to expect his or her owner to always be honest with them. To tell a lie is not only dishonorable but it also shreds the fine fabric of trust that is formed between a slave and an owner.
Trust... A slave must be able to trust his or her owner. This is achieved with time, knowledge and experience. Trust is something build brick by brick, but when that trust is broken those bricks become made of smoke and will not support a relationship.
These are the things that a slave needs. You notice nowhere did I state a slave needs a collar, a contract, scening, sex or money.
A collar is a symbol, it may represent ownership but there is no color in the world that can replace trust or safety. Hence while it may be a symbol cherished by all who proudly wear their owner's symbol, it is a want and not a need.
A contract is no more than a piece of paper, an agreement made between individuals based on a common goal. There is no contract that can keep a slave from leaving when he or she feels they are not needed or wanted.
Sceneing is something done for the entertainment of one or more parties involved. Some enjoy it; some do not. Never the less sceneing is no more important that buying a pretty new dress for the picnic, or getting the latest Harry Potter book. It is a luxury or a reward it is not a need.
Sex like Sceneing may or may not be present within a relationship. There are slaves that are specifically trained to be of sexual service. However, not all slaves are maintained for sexual reasons. Sex is option, not a need.
Money is irrelevant, while it does ease the mind of an individual. Money will not ease the mind of a slave; it is not about money it is about purpose and service, and appreciation. Money cannot buy pride; it can only buy things.
So as you can see the needs of a slave are not object, nowhere in the above list did I state a slave needs to be well dressed, hell there are many owners who don't allow the slave to wear clothing at all. Nowhere does it state that a slave needs his or her own room, a slave should be honored if he or she is given the privilege to sleep at the foot of the owners bed. It doesn't state that the slave needs to go tanning or get a manicure or go to the beauty shop once a week, these things are rewards not needs. It doesn't state that a slave needs to be able to use the computer, watch TV or play video games either, again these are rewards not needs, and again these are mere things… nothing can make a slave feel better than a simple acknowledgement. For the owner to sit the slave down and say, "With all the work you have done today getting ready for my guests, I honestly don't know what I would do without you." this simple statement will mean more to a slave than anything that can be purchase with money or plastic.
While they are quite simple, a slave does indeed have needs, and it is for the benefit of the owner to remember this and take care of all the slave's needs.
As with everything this is my opinion, take what you will and leave the rest. If you wish to contact me, my email address is Norisch1@mchsi. com . If you wish to see more of my work you may find a complete listing of all my writings at... [NorischesQuill] (http://groups. yahoo.com/ group/Norisches Quill/)"
One of the posts I came across today was submitted by Kruella which I think is worth publishing. What do you think?
"Meeting the Needs of a Slave
By Mistress Norische
There are many things that a slave needs. Some think that a slave has no needs; that once a slave becomes owned he or she has all he or she will ever need. I beg to differ; I have found in my experience that there are several things a slave needs.
Communication. .. A slave needs to be able to communicate with their owner and to have their owner communicate and actively listen to him or her. A slave needs to feel as if what they have to say has meaning, and is important.
Service... A slave is like a well-made tool, to be used and used well. If a tool is allowed to set in a box somewhere unattended it will rust or become obsolete. A slave must be allowed to serve in order to sharpen his or her skills and gain experience.
Purpose... As with any individual a slave needs to have a purpose, a reason for his or her existence.
Structure... A slave needs to be surrounded by structure, order, and discipline. Chaos may lead to change and variety, but within the life of a slave it leads to fear and uncertainty.
Appreciation. .. A slave needs to know his or her efforts are appreciated and that he or she is needed. If a slave goes without this form of support then the self-esteem of the slave becomes questionable and hence his or her performance will suffer.
Discipline.. . A slave expects and needs discipline. This does not mean taking a strap to a slave if he or she forgets to end a sentence with Ma'am or Sir. It means the slave must know what is expected of him or her, know what is unacceptable and understand the consequences of any deviation of behavior or action. The worst discipline you can bestow on a slave is to not to allow him or her to serve, or to ignore him or her.
Safety... A slave must know they are safe. I may hurt my slaves but I will never harm them. A slave has the right to expect a safe, healthy environment…both physically and emotionally.
Respect... A slave must understand respect and in turn be treated with respect. As an individual everyone deserves some respect, a slave is no different. Just as the owner requires a certain amount of respect so therefore does the slave.
Honesty... A slave has the right to expect his or her owner to always be honest with them. To tell a lie is not only dishonorable but it also shreds the fine fabric of trust that is formed between a slave and an owner.
Trust... A slave must be able to trust his or her owner. This is achieved with time, knowledge and experience. Trust is something build brick by brick, but when that trust is broken those bricks become made of smoke and will not support a relationship.
These are the things that a slave needs. You notice nowhere did I state a slave needs a collar, a contract, scening, sex or money.
A collar is a symbol, it may represent ownership but there is no color in the world that can replace trust or safety. Hence while it may be a symbol cherished by all who proudly wear their owner's symbol, it is a want and not a need.
A contract is no more than a piece of paper, an agreement made between individuals based on a common goal. There is no contract that can keep a slave from leaving when he or she feels they are not needed or wanted.
Sceneing is something done for the entertainment of one or more parties involved. Some enjoy it; some do not. Never the less sceneing is no more important that buying a pretty new dress for the picnic, or getting the latest Harry Potter book. It is a luxury or a reward it is not a need.
Sex like Sceneing may or may not be present within a relationship. There are slaves that are specifically trained to be of sexual service. However, not all slaves are maintained for sexual reasons. Sex is option, not a need.
Money is irrelevant, while it does ease the mind of an individual. Money will not ease the mind of a slave; it is not about money it is about purpose and service, and appreciation. Money cannot buy pride; it can only buy things.
So as you can see the needs of a slave are not object, nowhere in the above list did I state a slave needs to be well dressed, hell there are many owners who don't allow the slave to wear clothing at all. Nowhere does it state that a slave needs his or her own room, a slave should be honored if he or she is given the privilege to sleep at the foot of the owners bed. It doesn't state that the slave needs to go tanning or get a manicure or go to the beauty shop once a week, these things are rewards not needs. It doesn't state that a slave needs to be able to use the computer, watch TV or play video games either, again these are rewards not needs, and again these are mere things… nothing can make a slave feel better than a simple acknowledgement. For the owner to sit the slave down and say, "With all the work you have done today getting ready for my guests, I honestly don't know what I would do without you." this simple statement will mean more to a slave than anything that can be purchase with money or plastic.
While they are quite simple, a slave does indeed have needs, and it is for the benefit of the owner to remember this and take care of all the slave's needs.
As with everything this is my opinion, take what you will and leave the rest. If you wish to contact me, my email address is Norisch1@mchsi. com . If you wish to see more of my work you may find a complete listing of all my writings at... [NorischesQuill] (http://groups. yahoo.com/ group/Norisches Quill/)"
Thursday, May 22, 2008
I Believe.....
After many years fantasizing and attempting to initiate a female dominated relationship, I’ve drawn some conclusions of my own that may not sit well with all those wannabe subs out there looking for the perfect FLR.
I believe male subs who are looking for a Femdom relationship are, in the most part, deluding themselves and will never find what they believe they’re after.
I’ve finally reached the decision (some will say about time) that I’m not naturally submissive. I’m too selfish. It’s just that I have my wires crossed sexually. My wife is not by nature sexually dominant, and neither are most women.
I believe:
That so-called subs are primarily “sexually-stimulated” submissives;
That it’s almost impossible for a sub to maintain a long-term Femdom relationship without sexual domination being a large component;
That females are rarely sexually dominant by nature;
That female dominance cannot be created by a submissive, despite his best efforts to please or to encourage such an inclination;
That female led sexual relationships are extremely rare and almost impossible to invent.
In other words, this whole F….ing obsession of mine is a waste of time.
While self-styled subs believe they have a desire to be submissive, I believe it’s largely a sexual mindset which will remain in the realms of sexual fantasy. The practicalities of serving a woman 24/7 with no sexual stimulation appeals to very few purported subs.
Within my own life it’s true that V is often strict and demanding, but she is not sexually dominant….and never will be willingly.
Like most women, she can be quick to complain. OK, she likes to nag. But that doesn’t make her a Domme. As I said, I believe very few women are sexually dominant, and nothing – no amount of male grovelling or pleasing – will ever change that.
My advice, for what it’s worth, is that if you’re a submissive male by nature, forget trying to bring out the dominant character in her – In most cases it’s just not there. Sure, she may enjoy occasional fantasy role-plays where she takes the dominant stance, but generally that’s not her make-up and she will rebel if you suggest such a relationship 24/7.
So forget the advice of the female supremacists who espouse that the way to a successful female led marriage is to give yourself to the Domme totally with no regard to your own wishes. It simply doesn’t work that way.
Most submissive men have a sexual desire to be submissive. Unless that sexual desire – or need - is met, very few men are happy to simply cook, clean and concede for their wives or partners.
A real female Domme REQUIRES to be the dominant personality in the relationship. Often she will have a cruel or sadistic nature. She enjoys beating and humiliating her male. I believe this is the nature of only a very select few women …. And, as a sub, you can’t create such a woman, however much you may fantasize. The truth is, most subs would run a mile if they encountered a real Domme.
Therefore, if your wife or partner is not a natural Domme, as described above, then what is she? Most probably she’s like most women in my experience – caring, nurturing, compassionate. In other words, she’s feminine. AND SHE DOESN’T WISH TO DOMINATE HER PARTNER!
Why would she wish to own him, control him, whip him, humiliate him, piss on him, abuse him? The truth is she doesn’t. That may be a fantasy of many submissives, but it’s not reality and it will never be a major part of a female led relationship.
Of course female led relationships are common, but they’re not based on sexual fantasy.
So what is a traditional female led relationship? I believe it’s a relationship based on mutual respect where the male accedes to the wishes of the female, and where the female can control the male to her satisfaction – at least in part.
It’s not about the male kissing her boots. It’s more akin to being a hen-pecked husband.
Those subs out there who say they are looking for a female led relationship; Is that really what they’re after? I doubt it. In almost all cases, I believe their sexual fantasy is at the root of their obsession. And sexual fantasy is a far cry from simply being a hen-pecked husband who does what his wife demands of him.
Certainly I would not be satisfied in a marriage where my wife simply nagged me, criticised me or demanded better of me. No, SEX is at the core of my submissive tendencies, and I believe that’s the case with most submissive males.
So, when the Femdom books and manuals say the way to a successful female led relationship is for the male to “focus on how you can find pleasure in her pleasure. Forget about what she can do TO you and think about what you can do FOR her,” as Ms Rika suggests, or to simply “draw out her dominant nature with your submissive nature” as Elise Sutton suggests, don’t be fooled. The simple fact is, either she’s naturally dominant or she isn’t. And if she isn’t, the game’s over. Full stop. If your sexual needs can’t be met, there’s no point in continuing. Because sex is at the heart of most subs conscious.
Over recent weeks I’ve been making a greater effort to please V. I’d gone back to basics and convinced myself that the core to developing a FLM was to please my wife. As the literature so commonly states, it’s for her benefit, not mine. A true submissive is one whose sole desire is to please his wife.
So, I became more focused on her everyday happiness. And guess what, it’s hard work, especially if there’s no sexual stimulus.
But I kept telling myself that this is making V happy, and that makes me happier too, and once I get stuck into cleaning up, it’s not so bad. I’m on a roll so to speak and when it’s finished I’m glad it’s finished, except it’s never finished and it starts all over again!
No, I’ve had it. I’m too selfish. So, unless you’re a genuine submissive asexual wimp, with no selfish illusions, don’t go down this path. Most women wouldn’t want you anyway. Instead, initiate the occasional role play in bed and be satisfied with that.
I believe male subs who are looking for a Femdom relationship are, in the most part, deluding themselves and will never find what they believe they’re after.
I’ve finally reached the decision (some will say about time) that I’m not naturally submissive. I’m too selfish. It’s just that I have my wires crossed sexually. My wife is not by nature sexually dominant, and neither are most women.
I believe:
That so-called subs are primarily “sexually-stimulated” submissives;
That it’s almost impossible for a sub to maintain a long-term Femdom relationship without sexual domination being a large component;
That females are rarely sexually dominant by nature;
That female dominance cannot be created by a submissive, despite his best efforts to please or to encourage such an inclination;
That female led sexual relationships are extremely rare and almost impossible to invent.
In other words, this whole F….ing obsession of mine is a waste of time.
While self-styled subs believe they have a desire to be submissive, I believe it’s largely a sexual mindset which will remain in the realms of sexual fantasy. The practicalities of serving a woman 24/7 with no sexual stimulation appeals to very few purported subs.
Within my own life it’s true that V is often strict and demanding, but she is not sexually dominant….and never will be willingly.
Like most women, she can be quick to complain. OK, she likes to nag. But that doesn’t make her a Domme. As I said, I believe very few women are sexually dominant, and nothing – no amount of male grovelling or pleasing – will ever change that.
My advice, for what it’s worth, is that if you’re a submissive male by nature, forget trying to bring out the dominant character in her – In most cases it’s just not there. Sure, she may enjoy occasional fantasy role-plays where she takes the dominant stance, but generally that’s not her make-up and she will rebel if you suggest such a relationship 24/7.
So forget the advice of the female supremacists who espouse that the way to a successful female led marriage is to give yourself to the Domme totally with no regard to your own wishes. It simply doesn’t work that way.
Most submissive men have a sexual desire to be submissive. Unless that sexual desire – or need - is met, very few men are happy to simply cook, clean and concede for their wives or partners.
A real female Domme REQUIRES to be the dominant personality in the relationship. Often she will have a cruel or sadistic nature. She enjoys beating and humiliating her male. I believe this is the nature of only a very select few women …. And, as a sub, you can’t create such a woman, however much you may fantasize. The truth is, most subs would run a mile if they encountered a real Domme.
Therefore, if your wife or partner is not a natural Domme, as described above, then what is she? Most probably she’s like most women in my experience – caring, nurturing, compassionate. In other words, she’s feminine. AND SHE DOESN’T WISH TO DOMINATE HER PARTNER!
Why would she wish to own him, control him, whip him, humiliate him, piss on him, abuse him? The truth is she doesn’t. That may be a fantasy of many submissives, but it’s not reality and it will never be a major part of a female led relationship.
Of course female led relationships are common, but they’re not based on sexual fantasy.
So what is a traditional female led relationship? I believe it’s a relationship based on mutual respect where the male accedes to the wishes of the female, and where the female can control the male to her satisfaction – at least in part.
It’s not about the male kissing her boots. It’s more akin to being a hen-pecked husband.
Those subs out there who say they are looking for a female led relationship; Is that really what they’re after? I doubt it. In almost all cases, I believe their sexual fantasy is at the root of their obsession. And sexual fantasy is a far cry from simply being a hen-pecked husband who does what his wife demands of him.
Certainly I would not be satisfied in a marriage where my wife simply nagged me, criticised me or demanded better of me. No, SEX is at the core of my submissive tendencies, and I believe that’s the case with most submissive males.
So, when the Femdom books and manuals say the way to a successful female led relationship is for the male to “focus on how you can find pleasure in her pleasure. Forget about what she can do TO you and think about what you can do FOR her,” as Ms Rika suggests, or to simply “draw out her dominant nature with your submissive nature” as Elise Sutton suggests, don’t be fooled. The simple fact is, either she’s naturally dominant or she isn’t. And if she isn’t, the game’s over. Full stop. If your sexual needs can’t be met, there’s no point in continuing. Because sex is at the heart of most subs conscious.
Over recent weeks I’ve been making a greater effort to please V. I’d gone back to basics and convinced myself that the core to developing a FLM was to please my wife. As the literature so commonly states, it’s for her benefit, not mine. A true submissive is one whose sole desire is to please his wife.
So, I became more focused on her everyday happiness. And guess what, it’s hard work, especially if there’s no sexual stimulus.
But I kept telling myself that this is making V happy, and that makes me happier too, and once I get stuck into cleaning up, it’s not so bad. I’m on a roll so to speak and when it’s finished I’m glad it’s finished, except it’s never finished and it starts all over again!
No, I’ve had it. I’m too selfish. So, unless you’re a genuine submissive asexual wimp, with no selfish illusions, don’t go down this path. Most women wouldn’t want you anyway. Instead, initiate the occasional role play in bed and be satisfied with that.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
The Feelings Never Die
It’s been a couple of months since my last post. Not much has happened. I haven’t been in the zone to write much really. We’re leading a very typical vanilla marriage. Yes, we’re still together. Very little sex and no real spice.
Until last weekend, the topic of a female led relationship was barely mentioned. If I started showing submissive tendencies, V would say “Don’t start that again” or “You’re becoming pathetic” or she’d give me a threatening look as if to say “stop it right now.”
Needless to say I’ve become progressively frustrated and it’s become increasingly difficult to serve her on a regular basis. I find I lose motivation if there’s no sexual overtone.
So, basically we’ve degenerated into sharing household responsibilities. We’ve assumed “traditional roles” around the home.
She’s given up controlling our finances, although she continues to have the final word in that regard.
V’s still quite bossy, mind you. Still demands the last say and doesn’t like me answering back. So, in the deep recesses of my mind I can still fantasize that she’s dominating me.
Authoritarian, I guess you’d call her. But not in bed.
Not until last weekend.
I’ve been feeling sexually frustrated for the last couple of weeks. I’ve even considered visiting a professional domme. I’ve surfed the web for femdom sites and read a lot of femdom articles.
Last Friday I had it out with V. I explained my frustration.
“I’m not suggesting we go back to a female led relationship,” I said. “But going from one extreme to the other is not working for me at all. Can’t we come to some compromise?” I asked.
V asked what I had in mind and I suggested that we might spice our sex life up a bit as we used to do.
“So, you want to lick my ass, is that it?”
“Yep, pretty much,” I said. "Can’t we have a session, just tonight,” I pleaded.
“OK, but I don’t want you to think this is going to be a regular thing,” said V.
So, that was it. V instructed me to place some towels on the floor. We then stripped naked, she lay face down and allowed me to massage her back, her bottom and thighs. Then she permitted me to lick her ass thoroughly. She even went to the effort of humiliating me by offensive comments, which really got me excited.
“That’s all you’re good for, isn’t it. Licking my ass. And drinking my piss. How did I end up with someone so pathetic?”
We finished by her pissing on me. “I don’t think I want to make love to you,” she said.
“If you want to cum, you’ll have to masturbate right here and now.” And so I did.
Well, at least it’s a start!
Until last weekend, the topic of a female led relationship was barely mentioned. If I started showing submissive tendencies, V would say “Don’t start that again” or “You’re becoming pathetic” or she’d give me a threatening look as if to say “stop it right now.”
Needless to say I’ve become progressively frustrated and it’s become increasingly difficult to serve her on a regular basis. I find I lose motivation if there’s no sexual overtone.
So, basically we’ve degenerated into sharing household responsibilities. We’ve assumed “traditional roles” around the home.
She’s given up controlling our finances, although she continues to have the final word in that regard.
V’s still quite bossy, mind you. Still demands the last say and doesn’t like me answering back. So, in the deep recesses of my mind I can still fantasize that she’s dominating me.
Authoritarian, I guess you’d call her. But not in bed.
Not until last weekend.
I’ve been feeling sexually frustrated for the last couple of weeks. I’ve even considered visiting a professional domme. I’ve surfed the web for femdom sites and read a lot of femdom articles.
Last Friday I had it out with V. I explained my frustration.
“I’m not suggesting we go back to a female led relationship,” I said. “But going from one extreme to the other is not working for me at all. Can’t we come to some compromise?” I asked.
V asked what I had in mind and I suggested that we might spice our sex life up a bit as we used to do.
“So, you want to lick my ass, is that it?”
“Yep, pretty much,” I said. "Can’t we have a session, just tonight,” I pleaded.
“OK, but I don’t want you to think this is going to be a regular thing,” said V.
So, that was it. V instructed me to place some towels on the floor. We then stripped naked, she lay face down and allowed me to massage her back, her bottom and thighs. Then she permitted me to lick her ass thoroughly. She even went to the effort of humiliating me by offensive comments, which really got me excited.
“That’s all you’re good for, isn’t it. Licking my ass. And drinking my piss. How did I end up with someone so pathetic?”
We finished by her pissing on me. “I don’t think I want to make love to you,” she said.
“If you want to cum, you’ll have to masturbate right here and now.” And so I did.
Well, at least it’s a start!
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Back at Home
V and I have moved back in together!
At this stage it’s not a reunion as we aren’t living as wife and husband, although V has left the door open to a full reconciliation subject to certain conditions.
I guess my feelings concerning V are well documented on this blog. I adore her. I worship her and I would do anything for her to accept me as I am.
V, on the other hand, has several reservations about our future relationship.
She readily acknowledged that she missed me; that I have many attributes which she loves. The trouble is she could no longer accept my “sexual” submissive tendencies – at least not to the extremes as they were manifested in the months prior to our separation.
I’ve moved into the spare bedroom. On weekends we have the kids I’m permitted to sleep in her bed but needless to say there’s no sexual intimacy.
V has agreed to me being her servant in all ways other than sexual.
She’s forbidden me to mention the words “dominant”, “submissive” or any such similar derivative. She’s also forbidden me to fantasize such thoughts.
In time she’s prepared to accept me as her sexual partner on a purely vanilla basis – with no kinks.
The one aspect she does enjoy – and admitted that she’d missed – is for me to serve her. Serving her is a permitted part of our new relationship and I must admit, I enjoy it thoroughly. It’s what I was born to do! I know that now.
I’m permitted to masturbate on my own provided I don’t masturbate to femdom fantasies. I’ve been trying to be honest to this pledge I’ve made but it has been hard and not entirely successful. I realise I must try to do away with this sexual fantasy of mine if our marriage is to survive. I have to learn to accept and cherish vanilla sex above femdom role play.
At the moment I’m just grateful I can be her servant and pamper her and spoil her in the way she definitely deserves. It gives me great pleasure and I thank her every night for having me back under her terms.
It’s important for me to explain the reasons for her conditions of marriage in case some readers may think they’re harsh.
V believes that this obsession of mine is unhealthy and unworkable; that for her to continue to encourage it would lead us back to where we were before we separated.
She understands my need to serve her and she has always enjoyed that aspect of our relationship. By agreeing to allow me to be her servant, she believes I’ll obtain sufficient pleasure and satisfaction as my peculiar personality requires. At the same time, she can enjoy those aspects of my servile personality she most accepts and cherishes.
V has taken over our finances completely – including her doing all the bookwork for my business. She also writes all the office cheques as well as controlling our domestic finances.
I am given sufficient pocket money, although she’s restricted my ability to buy alcohol. By contrast, I’m not allowed to question what she spends on herself.
Some readers will recall in my earlier posts that this was a fantasy of mine. Now it’s a reality!
So, how did these changed circumstances eventuate?
Over the Christmas holiday break I took the kids away on a camping trip into the High Country. To do this I needed to borrow the Range Rover which V was driving (previously mine but which V took control of earlier last year). That meant contacting her and meeting up with her. At that meeting I detected a softening in her attitude towards me.
The kids and I had a wonderful two weeks camped by a stream. During this period we had a real chance to bond as we sat around the campfire at night after evening meals. These moments brought home to me the downward spiral I’d undergone over the past 12 months and the futile obsession I’d been suffering under. Real life was spending quality time with your family – your wife and children, bonding and enjoying life in all its purity.
When we returned from our camping trip, I expressed these feelings to V and it seemed to strike a chord with her. We spoke at length about the meaning of life – what really matters, the memories we’d shared over the years and the fun times we’d enjoyed together.
Slowly V began to thaw in her attitude and agreed to consider a temporary reunion. From that moment I took things gently, sending her flowers with love notes, ringing her at night just to talk, until she agreed to a dinner date. After dinner she invited me back home – not to stay the night – but to talk. We played our favourite CD music, drank a bottle of wine or two and generally had a real heart-to-heart discussion about where we were at and what might be.
The following weekend I moved back in on a trial basis. I thought it might be awkward at first, and to be honest, there was a tenseness during that first week. But I was amazed at how quickly we re-connected (kink aside).
V laid down the rules which I’ve outlined above and that was it! Although we’re still not sleeping together and V still reminds me that this arrangement is temporary, I feel that we’re a couple once more. But we’re more than just a couple. V is now definitely the boss and I’m her devoted servant. At times she’s intolerant, difficult, quick to criticize and all those things, but when she shouts at me, or tells me off for some small error in my service to her, I get a sexual charge which takes me to a higher space in my subconscious. It’s powerfully erotic and blissfully comforting. I don’t need sexual domination. This is real domination and to me that’s just perfect.
Some readers may consider our new relationship one-sided or unnaturally balanced. The truth is we both love each other very much. I SERIOUSLY WANT to serve V and she enjoys being pampered. Sure, she has problems with the sexual manifestations of my submissiveness, but really that’s a small price to pay on my part. After all, many submissive husbands merely fantasize about serving their wives and accept vanilla sex as inevitable. I believe V and I have much more. I must admit, I can’t stop my sexual fantasies, even though V has insisted I do. But at least I can be her servant, and that’s much more than I was 12 months ago.
At this stage it’s not a reunion as we aren’t living as wife and husband, although V has left the door open to a full reconciliation subject to certain conditions.
I guess my feelings concerning V are well documented on this blog. I adore her. I worship her and I would do anything for her to accept me as I am.
V, on the other hand, has several reservations about our future relationship.
She readily acknowledged that she missed me; that I have many attributes which she loves. The trouble is she could no longer accept my “sexual” submissive tendencies – at least not to the extremes as they were manifested in the months prior to our separation.
I’ve moved into the spare bedroom. On weekends we have the kids I’m permitted to sleep in her bed but needless to say there’s no sexual intimacy.
V has agreed to me being her servant in all ways other than sexual.
She’s forbidden me to mention the words “dominant”, “submissive” or any such similar derivative. She’s also forbidden me to fantasize such thoughts.
In time she’s prepared to accept me as her sexual partner on a purely vanilla basis – with no kinks.
The one aspect she does enjoy – and admitted that she’d missed – is for me to serve her. Serving her is a permitted part of our new relationship and I must admit, I enjoy it thoroughly. It’s what I was born to do! I know that now.
I’m permitted to masturbate on my own provided I don’t masturbate to femdom fantasies. I’ve been trying to be honest to this pledge I’ve made but it has been hard and not entirely successful. I realise I must try to do away with this sexual fantasy of mine if our marriage is to survive. I have to learn to accept and cherish vanilla sex above femdom role play.
At the moment I’m just grateful I can be her servant and pamper her and spoil her in the way she definitely deserves. It gives me great pleasure and I thank her every night for having me back under her terms.
It’s important for me to explain the reasons for her conditions of marriage in case some readers may think they’re harsh.
V believes that this obsession of mine is unhealthy and unworkable; that for her to continue to encourage it would lead us back to where we were before we separated.
She understands my need to serve her and she has always enjoyed that aspect of our relationship. By agreeing to allow me to be her servant, she believes I’ll obtain sufficient pleasure and satisfaction as my peculiar personality requires. At the same time, she can enjoy those aspects of my servile personality she most accepts and cherishes.
V has taken over our finances completely – including her doing all the bookwork for my business. She also writes all the office cheques as well as controlling our domestic finances.
I am given sufficient pocket money, although she’s restricted my ability to buy alcohol. By contrast, I’m not allowed to question what she spends on herself.
Some readers will recall in my earlier posts that this was a fantasy of mine. Now it’s a reality!
So, how did these changed circumstances eventuate?
Over the Christmas holiday break I took the kids away on a camping trip into the High Country. To do this I needed to borrow the Range Rover which V was driving (previously mine but which V took control of earlier last year). That meant contacting her and meeting up with her. At that meeting I detected a softening in her attitude towards me.
The kids and I had a wonderful two weeks camped by a stream. During this period we had a real chance to bond as we sat around the campfire at night after evening meals. These moments brought home to me the downward spiral I’d undergone over the past 12 months and the futile obsession I’d been suffering under. Real life was spending quality time with your family – your wife and children, bonding and enjoying life in all its purity.
When we returned from our camping trip, I expressed these feelings to V and it seemed to strike a chord with her. We spoke at length about the meaning of life – what really matters, the memories we’d shared over the years and the fun times we’d enjoyed together.
Slowly V began to thaw in her attitude and agreed to consider a temporary reunion. From that moment I took things gently, sending her flowers with love notes, ringing her at night just to talk, until she agreed to a dinner date. After dinner she invited me back home – not to stay the night – but to talk. We played our favourite CD music, drank a bottle of wine or two and generally had a real heart-to-heart discussion about where we were at and what might be.
The following weekend I moved back in on a trial basis. I thought it might be awkward at first, and to be honest, there was a tenseness during that first week. But I was amazed at how quickly we re-connected (kink aside).
V laid down the rules which I’ve outlined above and that was it! Although we’re still not sleeping together and V still reminds me that this arrangement is temporary, I feel that we’re a couple once more. But we’re more than just a couple. V is now definitely the boss and I’m her devoted servant. At times she’s intolerant, difficult, quick to criticize and all those things, but when she shouts at me, or tells me off for some small error in my service to her, I get a sexual charge which takes me to a higher space in my subconscious. It’s powerfully erotic and blissfully comforting. I don’t need sexual domination. This is real domination and to me that’s just perfect.
Some readers may consider our new relationship one-sided or unnaturally balanced. The truth is we both love each other very much. I SERIOUSLY WANT to serve V and she enjoys being pampered. Sure, she has problems with the sexual manifestations of my submissiveness, but really that’s a small price to pay on my part. After all, many submissive husbands merely fantasize about serving their wives and accept vanilla sex as inevitable. I believe V and I have much more. I must admit, I can’t stop my sexual fantasies, even though V has insisted I do. But at least I can be her servant, and that’s much more than I was 12 months ago.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Need to Confess
Last night I visited a friend of ours. Her name’s Heather and she’s never married. I’ve always fancied her in some way and have often felt she could be dominant. There’s that cool, disparaging element about her.
Anyway, I told her the reason V and I had split up was because I was submissive. She asked what that meant and I said I liked to serve women and wanted them to take charge. She seemed puzzled – not disgusted, but uncomfortable.
She said I was just bashing my self up – feeling a sort of self loathing which was totally normal when a long term relationship ended. She then quickly changed the subject.
Don’t know why I felt the need to tell her, but I did.
Anyway, I told her the reason V and I had split up was because I was submissive. She asked what that meant and I said I liked to serve women and wanted them to take charge. She seemed puzzled – not disgusted, but uncomfortable.
She said I was just bashing my self up – feeling a sort of self loathing which was totally normal when a long term relationship ended. She then quickly changed the subject.
Don’t know why I felt the need to tell her, but I did.
Blogs I Read
I've been reading quite a few blogs recently and I'd like to add three which I think are very good:
The first is a new blog by Richard (Polyfetishist) called Fetish Meme. It provides some thought provoking prompts for blogging with a particular bent on S/M.
The second is Hers Forever which details the experiences of a husband who aims to please his FL wife.
The third is Bossed Hubby which in many ways parallells my own experiences in nurturing a female led marriage, even to the point where his wife nearly left him. It's well written and provides some excellent guidelines for subs on what to do and what not to do if you are to develop a successful female led relationship.
The first is a new blog by Richard (Polyfetishist) called Fetish Meme. It provides some thought provoking prompts for blogging with a particular bent on S/M.
The second is Hers Forever which details the experiences of a husband who aims to please his FL wife.
The third is Bossed Hubby which in many ways parallells my own experiences in nurturing a female led marriage, even to the point where his wife nearly left him. It's well written and provides some excellent guidelines for subs on what to do and what not to do if you are to develop a successful female led relationship.
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